


Wilde Card

by Pendragyn



Series: Ineffable Bastards Universe [8]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: 6000 Years of Pining (Good Omens), Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Fade to Black, Fluff, I love these ineffable dorks, Kissing, M/M, Making an Effort (Good Omens), Nonbinary Celestials, Other, Post-Canon, Safe For Work But No One Will Believe You, Snippet, they/them pronouns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2020-09-28 13:02:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20426414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pendragyn/pseuds/Pendragyn
Summary: So I had an idea about why Aziraphale had a complete set of Oscar Wilde writings. And how they had probably left a trail of infatuated and disappointed humans in their wake in all those clubs they'd gone to for intellectual stimulation and a good meal and dance lessons.Parts of this have now been added to Ineffable Bastards! (Chapter 35: The Dragon's Lair, uploaded Dec 29, 2019)∞ The Ineffable Bastards Universe:In The Garden- In the Garden Of EdenSerpents and Ladders- After The GardenAsk Not For Whom The Bell Tolls (It Tolls For They)- The Church & Aftermath in 1941Stacking The Deck- Harriet & WarlockNature vs Nurture- Raising WarlockIneffable Bastards- What Happens After The World Doesn't End (incomplete)





	1. Chapter 1

“Aziraphale?”

“Hmm?”

Crowley tried to find a subtle way to ask, but curiosity had been eating at them to the point of distraction since the former angel had let slip that humans could have preternatural ancestry. “When you said, you’d never… with a human.”

Aziraphale gave them a confused look that melted into amused understanding when they realized Crowley was blushing. “My dear, are you asking me about my experiences?”

“Uh… Just, I seem to recall you mentioning a lot of gentleman’s clubs...” Crowley let their head drop back against the couch and covered their face when Aziraphale chuckled. “Ugh, angel!”

“I won’t judge you, you know,” Aziraphale murmured, smiling tenderly when Crowley looked at them. “If you, uh, found human companionship-”

“No! Ugh, no, it’d be like… no, I can’t help but think of them as children,” Crowley admitted. “Even Nanny Ogg, which tells you something about me I suppose,” they said, making Aziraphale laugh.

“I am in complete agreement with that sentiment,” said Aziraphale. “And it wasn’t just gentleman's clubs I frequented, there were quite a few for women if you knew where to look and who to talk to. You do know a lot more went on in the clubs than just sexual intercourse, don’t you?”

“Yeah, yeah, I should’ve known better, just, uh...” Crowley reached over and took Aziraphale’s hand. “There must have been quite a few poor smitten fools vying for your attention.”

“There were some.” Aziraphale shook their head at the recollection. “I tried to make it clear I was in the clubs for intellectual stimulation but some of them assumed that was just a ruse. Some very forward young men would fling themselves in my lap and try to kiss me. They usually ended up having a rather bad shock when they’d let their hands go a wandering and they couldn’t find what they were looking for,” Aziraphale admitted, beaming when Crowley broke into raucous laughter. “Never seemed worth the effort, you see. I believe word got around of my ‘tragic condition’ eventually, but that didn’t always deter the persistent ones.”

“Were there a lot of those?”

“Thankfully, no. But one of them became quite famous.” There was a glint of mischief in their eyes as they got up and retrieved one of their books, offering it to Crowley. “Read the inscription.”

Crowley’s eyebrows arched as they read the book’s cover. “The Picture of Dorian Gray, by Oscar Wilde? As you saying Oscar Wilde-” They carefully opened the book and flipped through to where there was a handwritten note on one of the blank pages. “Mr. Fell, I wanted to dedicate this book to you, but my publisher dissuaded me after a very long and heated exchange. Seems that ‘To that immortal bastard who rebuffed my most ardent affections to pursue rare books instead.’ isn’t considered good form for book dedications. I hope you come to as grueling an end as Gray does.” A shocked laugh escaped Crowley. “What did you do, to infuriate him to the point he’d write a whole book to spite you?”

“I honestly have no idea. Apparently he disapproved of my affection for collecting the written word. And do you know the funniest part? I don’t even remember ever meeting the man! I tried to keep clear of the more, ahem, risqué clubs and patrons, wouldn’t do to get too much attention from upstairs. But every time he’d publish something, I’d get a signed copy with equally scathing notes inscribed inside.” Aziraphale took back the book and wiped a hand over the cover before returning it to the shelf. “I did meet his niece, the one who supposedly claimed to be his reincarnation.”

“Was she?”

“No.” Aziraphale settled back onto the couch, sitting closer yet to Crowley than they had been before. “But you know, I do think she probably had magic? She knew a little too much, saw a little too clearly.” They looked down at Crowley’s hand, so close to their own. Slowly they reached out and stroked the pads of their fingers over Crowley’s palm. “Said she understood why I had rebuffed him. And her.”

“She did?” Crowley’s voice had gone quiet as they leaned closer, their heart thudding loudly in their ears as their angel’s soft elegant hand caressed their own.

“She caught me watching you.” Aziraphale looked up at Crowley then, heart pounding at their own forwardness as they ran their fingers lightly over Crowley’s wrist. They leaned invitingly toward Crowley and whispered, “Said she knew a besotted fool when she saw one.”

Crowley’s other hand came up to cup Aziraphale’s cheek as their lips met, parted, and met again. “I’m quite smitten myself, angel,” Crowley breathed, pressing a kiss to Aziraphale’s neck and making them gasp, their own breath going ragged when Aziraphale began lightly caressing Crowley’s side through their shirt.

“I’m so glad to hear it,” Aziraphale said, feeling a fierce joy at being able to touch Crowley so freely. They mirrored the former demon’s action and pressed their lips to their neck, smiling to feel them gasp and cling. “You’re the only one I’d consider worth the effort,” they murmured, gasping again when Crowley’s hands slipped beneath their waistcoat. They eventually moved from the couch to the bedroom, where they both faltered a little after coming up for air.

Crowley admitted, “I, uh, I’ve never actually...”

“Me neither.” Aziraphale slowly undid the loose tie around Crowley’s neck and slid it free.

“Bet you’ve read a few books, eh angel,” Crowley said with a smile, teasing a breathless chuckle from the former angel as they began to undo the buttons of Aziraphale’s waistcoat. “We’ll figure it out.”

Aziraphale began to undo Crowley’s shirt buttons in return and smiled beatifically. “There’s no one I’d rather figure it out with, my dear.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Is… is there anything you’d like to try?” Crowley asked breathlessly as they helped their angel out of their waistcoat. The former demon began to wonder if they could discorporate from excitement when Aziraphale undid their bow-tie and carefully folded it up and set it aside beside Crowley’s tie on the dresser.

Aziraphale hesitated, worried that what they were considering asking for would ruin the mood. They twisted Crowley’s ring nervously, momentarily distracted to see the purple had overtaken much of the stone, leaving a core of green swirled with blue. _Really must figure out what purple means. Maybe passion? But that can’t be right. Haven’t ever experienced this sort of passion before, can’t really feel that without making an effort, which I’m not yet..._

Crowley slid their hands around Aziraphale’s waist, reveling in the feel of the warmth beneath the fabric as they pulled them into a gentle hug. “It’s alright, angel,” they soothed. “No rush. As slow as you like,” they promised, ignoring the twinge they felt at the possibility that Aziraphale might never want more than just physical intimacy. _Always wanting more,_ they scolded, pressing their face against Aziraphale’s neck and inhaling the lovely scent of them. _Give them a chance. They care about you._ Crowley pressed a light kiss against their shoulder, sighing with pleasure as Aziraphale stroked their hands over their back. _They wouldn’t be here if they didn’t care about you,_ they reminded themself. _If they didn’t want this with you._

_It’s going to ruin the mood and Crowley will never want to be intimate with me again,_ Aziraphale kept thinking, their eyes being pulled to the inviting expanse of black and red silk that covered the bed. _But, they care, I know they do. I must trust that they’ll understand. _“There, there is something that I’ve been curious about.”

“Hmm?” Crowley eased back just far enough so they could look at their angel’s face, frowning to see the worry in their golden eyes. “I promise, it won’t upset me, whatever it is,” they murmured, stroking their fingers over the crease in Aziraphale’s brow. “This is supposed to be a happy thing, a good thing.”

“I just...” Aziraphale’s eyes wandered back to the bed. “I don’t want to upset you.”

“Tell me, angel.” Crowley’s concern melted away as Aziraphale blurted it out and they couldn’t stop the smile that was tugging at their lips. “Is that all?”

“Well, to start?” Aziraphale stroked their hands nervously over Crowley’s back.

“I’ll admit, I’ve been curious about it myself. Didn’t really see the appeal,” Crowley admitted.

“You’re not upset? I know it’s probably not what you were expecting...”

Crowley leaned in to give Aziraphale a reassuring kiss. “No, I’m not upset. I’m willing to give it a try.”

“Are, are you sure?” Again, Aziraphale’s eyes went to the bed, breathless with anticipation. “I, I am quite a bit heavier than you.”

“I trust you to fix whatever you might break,” Crowley said in a sultry murmur, taking Aziraphale’s hand and leading them to the bed. “Let me tempt you, angel. Haven’t you been nice long enough?”

“Oh, Crowley,” Aziraphale said, drawn in by the look in Crowley’s eyes as they climbed onto the bed and held out their hands invitingly. “Temptation accomplished.”

* * *

Utterly spent, Aziraphale collapsed down onto the bed with Crowley, careful to not put too much of their weight on them as they both panted for breath. The covers were tangled, forgotten at the foot of the bed, most of the pillows scattered around the room, one nightstand upended when Aziraphale had gotten a little too rough. They were both flushed from their efforts and sweat darkened their hair, and Crowley legs were trembling from the unaccustomed effort. “Damn,” Crowley gasped, mustering up just enough energy to look towards Aziraphale. “If I’d known...”

“How, how could we have?” Aziraphale said, turning to give Crowley a beaming smile. “Thank you for indulging me, my dear.”

“My pleasure, angel. I hope all your whimsies prove that enjoyable,” they murmured tiredly, smiling in return. “I’d never’ve imagined it’d be that much fun.”

“Really?” Aziraphale asked, surprised. “I always thought it looked rather exciting.”

“Seemed like gravity would ruin it, honestly.” Crowley let out a slow breath as their heart finally began to slow. “But it was almost like we could escape gravity for a little while.”

“It was,” Aziraphale agreed, closing their eyes to relive that first giddy rush of giving in to temptation. “I rather look forward to doing it again. Once we’ve recovered.”

“You’ve got more endurance than I expected,” Crowley teased, shoving Aziraphale’s pillow onto the floor and shifting closer to rest their cheek against Aziraphale’s shirt-clad shoulder. “I’m glad we stopped when we did. Didn’t think I could go on for much longer.”

“Well, I do walk everywhere,” Aziraphale reminded them with playful primness, reaching out tenderly to move a sweat-darkened curl of their hair away from Crowley’s face. “Unlike some people.”

“Hey, I walk lots. Usually with you.” Crowley mustered up the energy to turn onto their side so they were laying face to face. “‘Snot like that’s going to translate to jumping ability. Not exactly known for their jumping, snakes.”

“No, true enough,” Aziraphale chuckled. “Are you sure you’re not upset? You were quite stern with them when you caught them breaking the rules.”

“Angel, if anyone is going to encourage _you_ to break some rules, it’s _me_.” Crowley stroked their fingers over Aziraphale’s cheek, drawn in by the deep blue of their smiling eyes. “Besides, it’s only a rule for kids because they could get hurt,” Crowley reminded them. “That’s the main reason why they weren’t allowed to jump on the beds. But I let them have all the pillow fights they wanted.” They gave Aziraphale a sly smile. “Which is why I definitely won the pillow fight. I know all the best tactics.”

“You most certainly did not win,” Aziraphale huffed. “You cheated, miracling my second pillow away.”

“You knocked the table over. Besides, dual wielding’s against the rules I just made up,” Crowley insisted, laughing at the face Aziraphale made as they miracled the table and everything on it back to rights. “So, after we’ve had a day or two to recover, what would you like to try next? You had quite a list.”

“Ooh, there’s so much,” Aziraphale said dreamily, rolling onto their back to stare up at the ceiling. “Hmm, swings, definitely, and the slides always looked like fun. Are there ones big enough for grown ups?”

Crowley grinned and propped themself up on their elbow to look down into Aziraphale’s face. “How have you been on this planet this long, and you’ve never been on a swing?”

“I’ve been on little ones,” Aziraphale protested, slipping their arm under Crowley’s and urging them closer, stroking a hand over their back to warm them when they shivered a little. “But they’re rather sedate in comparison to the ones children get to use. And they all look rather flimsy. I’m not exactly small.”

“There are absolutely ones strong enough for adults,” Crowley murmured, shivering at how nice it felt to be pressed so closely together, stroking their hand over Aziraphale’s collarbones, toying with the still buttoned buttons on their shirt. “You’ve looked this way for as long as I can remember, so what’s with the sudden worry about your size?”

Aziraphale sighed, deflating a little at the memory. “It’s just… Gabriel-”

“Pft, gah, _Gabriel_,” Crowley snarled, putting their hand on Aziraphale’s cheek so they would look Crowley in the eye. “Forget everything that arsehole ever said to you or about you. Don’t listen to them, you listen to me,” Crowley hissed, “You’re good as you are. Better than all of them combined. Strong and sweet and clever and warm and you give the best hugs and I love you just as you are.” Crowley squeezed their eyes shut when they realized what they’d said when Aziraphale’s eyes went wide and they sucked in a little shocked breath. “I mean you’re lovable as you are. Meant it the other way too but it doesn’t, I don’t expect you to, you don’t have to say any-” And then Aziraphale’s lips were pressed to theirs, their arms banding around Crowley as though they would never let go. When they came up for air, Crowley gasped out, “Aziraphale?” but couldn’t make themself open their eyes, afraid of what they might see.

“I love you Crowley,” Aziraphale proclaimed, giddy with joy even as they cried. Giddier than they’d been while jumping on the bed with their best friend. It felt like they’d escaped gravity entirely. “I love you too; your eyes, your generosity, your laugh,” they said, punctuating each declaration with another kiss. “Your kindness, your smile, your sarcastic hissing, oh, everything about you! Even when you drive too fast and scare me silly.”

“D’you really mean that?” Crowley whispered, their lips trembling as their angel held them a little too tight and peppered their face with tiny kisses. They finally dared to open their eyes when the kisses stopped, their heart soaring to see the beatific look of love on Aziraphale’s face that they’d been sure they’d never see again. Had often thought they’d imagined it in their drunkenness, had projected what they’d wanted to see under the influence of the cursed cider. “Aziraphale-”

“I do, with all my heart, my soul, my entire being.” They tenderly brushed the tears from Crowley’s cheeks. “I didn’t mean to make you cry. You’re my everything, Crowley.”

“I never thought I’d hear you say it,” Crowley confessed, pressing a kiss to Aziraphale’s lips and hiding their face in their’s angel’s shoulder as they hugged them back. “Damn you, seducing me into jumping on the bed and blurting it all out like that. Really making me ride a rollercoaster today,” they joked, wiping at their eyes with their sleeve.

“Ooh, rollercoasters! We definitely-” Aziraphale was laughing as Crowley kissed the words away. They lifted their hand to stroke their hand over Crowley’s hair and cupped their cheek. “I love you.”

Crowley turned to press a kiss to their palm. “I love you too, angel.”


End file.
